Is There An App For That?


This Christmas I decided to drag myself kicking and screaming into 2013. I asked for a Smart Phone, even though I was enjoying being just about the last person I knew who was satisfied with a Dumb Phone. On Christmas morning, the Big Deal Phone was the last present left under the tree, ready to burst into my life, Da Da Da Dum, and turn it upside-down.

I wanted it and I didn’t want it. What I really didn’t want, though, was to make now the moment at which I decided that I just wasn’t going to keep up with the rate of change anymore, and was going to settle down forever with my arcane and archaic ways. I didn’t want to start being that old lady who couldn’t be bothered with a new-fangled contraption like a food processor, especially not at my age. So, I sighed and sucked it up and asked for one. Shel, naturally, obliged, relieved at the prospect of no longer being married to a person who never even remembered to take a phone with her when she went out. “You’ll have to keep it with you all the time” he reminded me helpfully, or maybe hopefully.

Since I rarely take anything with me when I go out except the barest of necessities, I had him take my teeny tiny Bagalini purse with him to the phone store, because the thing is designed, basically, to hold only 2 credit cards and a couple of twenties. He found a phone that could squeeze its smart little self in there: a Galaxy S. Not necessarily the smartest, but the smallest.

Its camera makes things look funny as you can see, but hey, I have a sweet Nikon. I’m sure it will make perfect phone calls. Being small, it has the daintiest of virtual keyboards, and my fingertips are  wide and round and can’t type worth a damn on it. It tells me the time and the weather, because other family members who shall remain unnamed seized it right away to set it up for me, and put all sorts of nifty stuff on there that I have no idea how to use. But today I went off in a quiet corner, just me and Ms. Smarty, thinking that we’d get acquainted on our own terms, and let me tell you, she won in the first round. Kicked my butt. I could no more figure her out than fly to Timbuktu.

And what did I do about it? Persevere? Yell for help? Why no. What I did was go out in the kitchen, even though it was way too early to begin preparing dinner, and got my favorite knife and a couple of gnarly celery roots and a mess of Jerusalem artichokes. I slowly enjoyed peeling the celery root, a task that normally does not thrill me, and I relished the crisp knobbiness of the Jerusalem artichokes, and the slippery feeling as I tossed them all with olive oil and salt, and popped them into a hot oven.

Evidently I’d rather cut up root vegetables then Get With The Program. Is there an app for that?

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5 Comments on “Is There An App For That?”

  1. Nan Says:

    I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed this. I’m sure you’ll master it but thankfully you have a partner who is on your side. I’m married to the person who doesn’t remember to take a phone with him when he goes out. Unfortunately, he’s also the tech person in the family who just doesn’t care about smart phones. Meanwhile I’m stuck with the dumb phone. Good luck but I’m sure you’ll soon wonder what you did without it. At least that’s what my plugged in friends and relatives tell me.

  2. Silvia Carry Says:

    I really enjoyed this. Happy New Year to you and Shel. mostly

    To me, the ONE features I need in my smartphone is voice dialing, voice messaging and, possibly voice everything, really….the tiny keyboard is for the birds. My diminute baggallini, has a larger phone pocket than most, while remaining so tiny it could be converted into a fanny pack (which I won’t do, but could)

    You are not the last to enter the world of smartphones. My oldest daughter still uses her a regular one, oves it and has no plans to get a smartphone any time soon. Go figure…

  3. Hello and happy holidays! I am sure you will enjoy your phone and get into it little by little…and then you will want a fancier one. This is exactly what happened to me, which you can see on one of my latest blog posts…

  4. Sue Geisler Says:

    I want no part of all this craze, Abra, you’re not alone. This tweet, twitter etc just doesn’t turn me on. I do have a simple cell phone that I take walking in case I fall or something. Color me old fashioned – or just old.

  5. Nancy Says:

    Ha! Here I am, months after your post, just discovering it; rest assured, my husband is perfectly satisfied with his Dumb Phone. I made the leap into the Smart Phone world at about the same time as you, for much the same reasons; and FWIW I’m hooked now.

    If you haven’t yet discovered the Swype (sic) program yet, check it out. It isn’t perfect but it’s done wonders for trying to type on those itty bitty touch-screen pads with human-sized fingers, even of the delicate type. I think that setup has prevented me from going back to the vendor and demanding the return of my perfectly good, albeit dumb, phone.

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