The Dark And The Light

The mystery scanners have shone their light deep inside Shel and have pronounced their dark verdict: we just have to wait and see for six more weeks.  This is good news, in that nothing drastic will be happening soon.  This is bad news because we have to wait and see, once again.  Sometimes we complain that our whole life lately is about waiting and seeing, imagining the worst, imagining the best, never really knowing.  It’s a fairly brutal drill, and yet, maybe I’ve lost my sense of perspective.  How much of your own life would you say is about waiting and seeing? 

Maybe it’s just the human condition and it’s gotten unreasonably far under my skin.  Maybe it’s just cancer.  It’ll jerk you around like that, time and again.  It’s always there, yet we must live like we don’t feel its hot breath stealing across our dreams.  Live like we’re alive and well and not too old and staying that way.  Live like we’re balance-beam masters, no need for a net.  Maybe you know the dance.  If cancer is in your life, what do you do to maintain an ambiguity equilibrium?

When you can’t even decide whether the news is good or bad, when, as Shel said today “no news is no news,” it’s time for some deeply comforting time coming to terms with the world as we know it.

Light a fire, round up every errant candle holder, fire up the hot tub, get out the guitar and a bottle of French wine, and try not to think too hard.  Think gently about life, and life may be gentle with you.

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10 Comments on “The Dark And The Light”

  1. Stephanie Says:

    I think you have the right idea. Don’t think too hard. And try to never stop enjoying the candlight and music in the dark.
    Both pictures are lovely btw. Thanks for continuing to share your stuff (all of it).

  2. geri Says:

    While you are waiting, it might be helpful for Shel to drink at least 2 1/2 liters of water/day (hydration helps eliminate diseases’ toxins), eat alkalizing foods like: raw tomatoes, watermelon, collard greens,kale,spinach, cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, fresh squeezed lemon juice, fresh minced parsley, avocados, cucumbers, dates; eat artichokes (they help strengthen the liver to help de-toxify the body) and avoid foods that diseases thrive on like alcohol, sugar, white flour foods, meat & coffee.

  3. Lucy Says:

    I hear you. Treading water can be so exhausting. I hope the wait isn’t too unbearable and that there is good news at the end.

  4. Lori Says:

    As usual, your words get right to the heart of it. When I went thru it, I remember wanting to get put to sleep and then woken up when then knew what was going on. But, as you post so poignantly details, I definitely live a more gentler existance now. I take a lot more time to smell the roses and wonder why it took cancer for me to learn this.

  5. Ujwala Samant Says:

    Abra,
    A close friend lost the battle with brain cancer about 6 weeks ago. His wife (also a close friend) shared your sentiments about the waiting… we would all wait for her to let us know what the news was. He made it a little over 4 years since his diagnosis, thanks to experimental treatment which seems to change at a rapid pace. All crossables crossed that your waiting means more years for Shel and that the myriad experimental treatments come through.

  6. max higgs Says:

    Shel and Abra,
    It seems too little to say thank you for the lives you share with us, the lovely pictures, the great food and magnificiently humble and grand places, and of course, the cats. With almost every post, you renew and clean my life and banish my darkness with the light of the lives you are living. Sadly, all I have by return is thank you.

  7. Corine Says:

    Since I started reading your blog one of my dearest friends is doing the cancer dance right now with her husband. He is in surgery as we speak and they are already tired of going back and forth for answers. It is inspiring that you share your experience and at least you will have all of us praying for you both.
    When my mom had cancer, the way we dealt was through food and laughter. Lots of talks and one and one time. Lots of praying.

  8. Rebecca Says:

    I try not to think of this as waiting, and I live in the moment as much as I am able. No far off tomorrows, not too much dwelling on yesterdays that are gone. I do want to give you a heads up on eating too much fresh food, and juicing, etc. Antioxidants boost the immune system, but they also boost cancer cell activity, so be careful not to overdo the ‘raw’ thing. As a lymphoma patient who eats a fairly unprocessed diet I am reminded of this by many of my doctors. Now,vitamin D3 is excellent in regulating the growth of cancer cells. I take an extra 1000IU’s each day, and when I don’t have any, I notice a marked difference in the tumor activity within 3 weeks. But, I am guessing that you probably know all of that, and that Shel is taking multiple supplements by now. If not, send me a note- I’ll send you the list of safe supplements that I have compiled. Whenever I have spare money I buy supplements FIRST.

  9. Wolfgang Says:

    Waiting is the hardest of all tasks!

    And black and white as dark and light dilutes into different shades of grey.

    And yes ,who said that waiting has to be on a hard discomfortable wooden bench.

    Take yourself the most comfortable seat you can get.

    And thanks for the superb articel linked to.

  10. Eric Says:

    Well, at least you have the new rug in place!


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