Drama Queen

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You all must think I’m a total drama queen. Every couple of years I come here and tell you that Shel’s about to die, and French Letters goes all dark and dramatic.

DSC_8079Sometimes we’ve been in France, sometimes in America, but the despair has always been the same. I wish I could exclaim Alas! in English like I can say Hélas! in French, without sounding affected, because alas is the only thing we feel at the prospect of Shel’s impending end. We never get to the Resignation or Acceptance stages that are supposed to be part of the process of dying. We are never resigned, never can accept the idea, and generally gnash our teeth and thrash about at the prospect.

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It’s all we’ve talked about for the past few weeks, except when we’ve been talking about the Olympics. Looking death right in the face and never learning equanimity. Expecting Shel to die any day now. Freaking the fuck out, actually.

But now he’s been taking the new drug for a little over a week, and he’s feeling a bit better. He’s gone from saying “honey, stockpile the morphine” to seldom taking any. He’s been saved so many improbable times, by heaven knows what – should we sell our stock in Kleenex and dare to hope again?

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13 Comments on “Drama Queen”


  1. Every minute, every hour, every day together means so much…I’m so glad you are having more of them.

  2. Karen Says:

    We are so happy to hear that Shel is getting some relief. It is dramatic — and the best news! Sending all our love, best wishes, and hope to you both. Karen & David

  3. Smithy Says:

    I’m neither Yiddish nor otherwise Jewish, but I’ve always admired their proverb that goes along these lines:

    Take hope: if you’re shivering from the cold, you’re still alive.

    Sorry I can’t repeat it directly, but I think it applies. I admire both of you tremendously, Keep on keeping on, and know that your world of admirers and well-wishers is much larger than your immediate circle of contacts, If our collective positive energy helps, you’ll be looking at that cliff’s edge from a distance, wondering why you ever thought it was at your feet.


  4. girlfriend, that rollercoaster is intense! So I say: Blessings, Bliss, Peace. To both you & Shel. Miss you both. Especially miss watching Shel use that BBQ flame-thrower-lighter.

  5. Catanea Says:

    Nope. Don’t think you’re a drama queen. Just one half of a brave, and generous couple (because you share your adventures, your recipes, and sometimes your sorrows).
    I’m with Smithy’s last sentence.

  6. Debra Lane Says:

    As long as there is a glimmer of hope, it is human nature to grasp for it and derive any joy from it. Hold on for the ride!

  7. Marigene Says:

    If you lose hope you have lost everything…it is good to hear Shel is feeling better. Beautiful kitties!

  8. Chele Says:

    Oh boy, you guys, another wrinkle. So glad the mutant feels better! I don’t think you’re a drama queen, Abra, I think you’re an amazing woman. I hope that if I’m ever in your situation, I can channel you. Hugs.

  9. Cape Coop Says:

    Having had 2 hospice adventures in the past 2 years, and numerous “miraculous” returns from that same precipice, I understand!

  10. Judith Says:

    Abra, I’m one of those who comes by and reads your posts with frequency, and never leaves a comment… but, I’m doing so today, because I want you to know that yet another soul out here is pulling for you two, and sending strength, and caring about your unimaginable situation. How great to know that your Shel is feeling less pain right now. I’m sure no one thinks you’re a drama queen– quite the opposite, really. You seem so strong and so human.
    Judith

  11. Judy Russell Says:

    Here’s another one pulling for you both, who doesn’t say much but hopes and hopes and sends quiet healing vibes your way. My best to you both, and a special gentle hug for my friend Shel.

  12. Alain Laurent Says:

    Merci pour cette excellente nouvelle….quant au kleenex ne les mets pas au feu cela brle trop mal, le mieux c’est encore de les donner….je plaisante…

    De grosses bise de notre part tous les deux et caresses vos compagnons….

    Marie France et Alain

    Amitis

  13. Nanette Says:

    You are both in my prayers.


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